Shame on me for what?

This all started because I began a new side-job two nights ago. I've tended bar in the past, but this job entailed being a cocktail waitress. I was a little nervous about the fast pace and a lot terrified of dropping a tray and spilling the drinks all over customers! (I had mental images of a tray flying through the air with glasses overturning, landing in a lady's lovely coif!)

Happily, I truly enjoyed the experience! I met some wonderful people and I didn't drop the tray! Seriously, I felt very successful for not dropping that heavy tray! Those darned tall draft mugs are extremely heavy, you know. The mug itself is over a pound, but it gets really heavy when you add the draft!

So, I posted my happiness with my new endeavor on Facebook. It was one of those general "share the moment" posts that we see all over FB. You know the kind of post I mean. "I got a new puppy," "I colored my hair," or "I loved the new nail salon" types of posts are just for informational purposes used to share our world experiences with our friends and family. Our intentions are grins and giggles. Sometimes, they begin innocuous, enjoyable conversations. I tagged my oldest daughter because she's been a successful cocktail waitress in the past and I thought she would appreciate my experience, as well as my enjoyment of the new endeavor.

It seems like an innocent enough post, right? I received a few supportive responses and atta-girls from several friends and family. And, my daughter thought it was a hoot!

Well. It opened a can of worms.

I awoke yesterday to a personal Facebook message from a friend saying "Shame on you! Shame on you for lowering yourself like that! You are a teacher! You should know that you are better than this. Working in a bar is beneath you!" (Notice, I did not screenshot the message. I'm not going to "out" this person for the opinionated bigot that she just proved herself to be.)

She and I went back and forth for a little while about this. Finally, we had to agree to disagree and end the discussion. But, I guess I didn't meet her standards for friendship, because she de-friended me. Quite frankly, I'm not saddened by the loss of a so-called friend with such an imperious persona. I am, however, saddened that she has that worldview. I'm also saddened that she seemed to feel that I was, in some way, demeaning her in the process.

In a response to this. I wrote another post on Facebook.

I ended up received around 30-40 positive, supportive responses. And, we all seem to agree that no job is unimportant and all people who choose to work in any job deserve respect for that choice.

The whole little rant made me feel much better about society. Unfortunately, we all know that people exist who refuse to work a job they feel is "beneath" them. My own beloved mother supported me when I was young on a secretary's pay. In case you don't know, secretaries in the 70s did not make a lot of money. She taught me that being a secretary was honorable work and that no matter what job you do, you do your best. You work with what you have and (to paraphrase Tim Gunn) you make it work. I never really knew we were poor. (Thanks, Mom. You are awesome!)

She taught me to respect anyone who works hard. As a result, no matter what job I enjoy, I do my best at that job, no matter what it may be. The point is to have a good work ethic, no matter the job.

I recently met a man who holds an accounting degree working as a barista. I've met teachers who clean houses on the weekends, or waitress, or work at Pier 1. I knew a doctor who chose to work in restaurants as a chef rather than work in a hospital. By the way, he also had a band. He loved it!

"Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." I've seen this attributed to Confucious, Marc Antony, Abe Lincoln, and even Henry Ford. No matter who first said it, it's a truth that we need to teach our children.

But, it's also true that employment well done (even if you don't enjoy it) pays more than sitting on a couch complaining about not having a job! If shame is to be allocated, shame on people who refuse to work because the job is "beneath" them.

No one is better than anyone else. However, I'll admit that I pity those who choose not to work because the job they can get doesn't meet their misguidedly high standards. Now THAT is a true shame.

I'm a Fraud

So now, you are asking yourself "What did she lie about?" or "What did she do wrong?"

I didn't and I haven't. I live an honest and truthful life, as much as I possibly can.

But, I'm still a fraud. Why? Because I'm not who everyone seems to think I am.

I go through the motions of life and I hear wonderful compliments from friends and family. These compliments are truly sweet and really make a girl feel good. Sometimes these compliments include such wonderful things as "you're so self-confident!" or "you really know what you want in life!" But inside, I know I'm not. And inside, I know I don't.

I also hear wonderful things about my life being "interesting" and "full of adventure." But, again, it's not. People making these compliments only see me through the virtual world of Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. They don't see my day-to-day existence. They don't see the struggle of a combined introvert/extrovert. They don't see me struggle in conversation when I don't feel comfortable. Shoot, they never even see me feel uncomfortable! In real life, I work very hard to appear comfortable in all situations and locations. And online? All they can see are my posts. And, I only post the fun tidbits or the interesting events. I do a good job managing my online identity.

In the Communications field, we have two concepts about "identity." One is the "perceived self." This is how we see ourselves. This is our own interpretations of the people we are in reality. The other is the "projecting self." This is the identity we try to project to the world as a whole. This is the world's interpretation of us, influenced by our behavior and actions. These two identities don't always match up. What we project to the world is not always accurate. What we project to the world is the manner in which we want to be seen.

But, the world doesn't see me the way I see me. This is true of most people, by the way. We all manage our identities in different way. So, the end result is that the world doesn't see me questioning myself and doubting motives or actions. And yes, I have many doubts. Most people do, right? When you become an adult, you can only depend 100% on your own self and your decisions. If you were to ask around, you would likely discover that we all have similar doubts. For example: "Have I made the right decisions about my job? Have I made the right choices with my children, my parents, my life? What about my love life?" In my case, my question is "What about being single? Am I making the right decision by choosing not to actively date and try to find 'the one'?" We all have doubts and concerns. But, only we see them and experience them daily. Only we feel the effects.

The world doesn't see me hoping, on some nights, for that phone call from a friend asking me to meet for coffee, dinner, or drinks. On other nights, I'm dreading that phone call from a friend asking me to meet for coffee, dinner, or drinks. Yes, I could be viewed as wishy-washy or indecisive.

That's the life of an introverted extrovert. Or, is it an extroverted introvert? I just know that I'm both, depending on the day and my mood.

I want to be around people, but I'm uncomfortable about half the time because I feel less funny, less intelligent, less pretty, less witty, less everything, than those around me. When I'm out? I enjoy myself for a while, then I usually end up wishing I was hiding in my room at home, watching my tv, playing on the computer, and/or reading a book. When I'm home? I wish I were out, mingling with friends and experiencing that enigmatic little concept of leading a full life.

So. Here's the truth. This is who I really am, when we remove the veil of cyber life. This is me.

I spend the majority of my life in my bedroom. True, it's also my home office and I really do have quite a bit of work to do. But, I can easily stay in my little comfort zone for days without interacting with actual people, other than talking on the phone or texting with my daughters or my parents. Sure, I chat online and have interesting virtual conversations, but I never have to leave the comfort of my little cottage. I safely hide behind a keyboard to conduct quite a bit of my social life.

On days that I'm not teaching (and I usually only teach 3 days a week), I commonly make myself shower and dress around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, just in case.

I get dressed just in case I get that phone call, just in case I decide to run to the store, just in case someone drops by to visit, just in case . . . anything happens. Things rarely happen.

I could wear the same clothes four or five days in a row and no one would ever know.

So there's the truth. This is who I really am on a daily basis.

I manage to take some trips with my camper on the occasional weekend, during some school breaks, and over the summer. But even then, my camper is set up just for me. I could easily live the same life in my camper that I live in my house.

I do need to clarify one concept here, though. Despite the basic solitary nature of my life, I am happy! I'm very content living my life. Maybe that contentedness is the cause of my discomfort when I finally go out? Sure, I sometimes wish that I had more friends and more opportunities for excursions and explorations and revelries. But, most of the time, I'm very happy.

So. There you go. That's the life of the introverted extrovert. Or vice versa. It doesn't really matter which way it goes, but that's who I am in real life.

No, I'm not quite as exciting or interesting as some people believe. But, that's ok! I have a good life. And, I think I plan to continue this style of life as long as I possibly can.